I decided to spend an hour writing this:
I can’t go thru everything I have experienced and everything I’m experiencing right now but these are only "some" of the things:
A) The graduate application process is torture. (Well I guess every step is painful):
- Getting recommendation letters is the worst part I believe specially when you’re not a recent graduate.
- Writing the statement of purpose when you don’t yet have a clear research plan is pain.
- Waiting is the most painful part of the process. (You’d wait for 3-4 months).
- I had a stressful situation with the school I wanted to attend. The graduate division rejected my initial department recommendation and it took me two months to convince them that I deserve a chance.
B) Leaving your job is hard:
- You’d think it’s easy but It’s not specially when you have worked really hard to reach your current position.
- I don’t have to explain the insecurities associated with leaving a job.
- Although graduate school is an investment but spending all your savings to go to graduate school is a bit scary. (What if it’s not worth it?).
- Having an acceptance to the same program at KU didn’t help. (Everyone was like why are you doing this?).
C) Moving is hard:
- Living alone is not easy and living with a stranger is not fun specially when she’s so annoying!
- Meeting your colleagues who are mostly recent graduates was not encouraging.
- Many grad students are depressed and I didn’t know that, I guess I met the wrong mix at first.
- & I miss my family & friends.
D) Going back to school is hard:
- Doing assignments, reading and listening to lectures is so hard after all these years. Nothing is easy or straight forward as it used to be. My first exam was a horrible experience, it was a disaster!
- Having a crush on a professor doesn't help, it is a distraction!
E) Future uncertainties:
- I need a job and I hope I get one soon otherwise I’m going to be broke next year.
- I really want to work with professor X but I need to work so hard for it since I don’t have any background in his field. (The most stressful thing right now).
- My classes next term are so difficult and I don’t have the prerequisites but I need to take them!
- I need to apply for funding although I haven’t found anything I’m eligible for (coming from a rich country doesn’t help).
- Next fall I’ll again have to apply for PhD programs, another graduate application process. I just hope I can keep a good GPA to be able to apply.
- Also, the hair I'm losing due to stress is freaking me out, I hope it stops!